


Arthur's Diary

by glam_geek



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Briget Jones's Diary Fusion, Crack, Diary/Journal, Gen, Kink Meme, M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-19 20:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1482817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glam_geek/pseuds/glam_geek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tuesday 3 April </p><p>ties ruined 0 (excellent) times died 1 (thanks much Mal) sex 0 (v. depressing) </p><p>12:15pm Warehouse, Paris </p><p>Finally finished setting up equipment in new location. Warehouse is v. creepy but feel the lawn chairs really bring color to the room. Plus, chairs match tie. Bonus! </p><p>Cobb is out fetching new architect. Sad I didn’t get to go with him. Walking beside him, watching the wind rush through the corn silk of his hair, the blue of his eyes reflecting the vastness of the raw Parisian sky. Oh well. Hope new architect is ugly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For an anonymous prompt over at the Inception-Kink LJ:
> 
> Bridget Jones' Diary retelling with a Arthur, Eames and Cobb love-triangle!

**Tuesday 3 April**    
  
 _ties ruined 0 (excellent) times died 1 (thanks much Mal) sex 0 (v. depressing)_    
 **  
12:15pm Warehouse, Paris**    
  
Finally finished setting up equipment in new location. Warehouse is v. creepy but feel the lawn chairs really bring color to the room. Plus, chairs match tie. Bonus!   
  
Cobb is out fetching new architect. Sad I didn’t get to go with him. Walking beside him, watching the wind rush through the corn silk of his hair, the blue of his eyes reflecting the vastness of the raw Parisian sky. Oh well. Hope new architect is ugly.   
  
 **4pm**    
  
Terrible news! New architect hot young girl! Apparently her name is Ariadne, which means something in Greek about a maze and a bull-man or something. Whatever.   
  
Cobb is so pretty when asleep.   
  
 **5:05pm**    
  
Was initially unhappy about Cobb and new girl dreaming together. Dreaming is such an intimate and awesome experience. New girl has been a part of Cobb’s life for a day and she gets to see his unconscious mind? This is unfair on so many levels.   
  
However, totally forgot how fucked up Cobb is! New girl met Mal in a distinctly unpleasant way. Score! Cobb has cock-blocked himself. I wafted smug in her general direction and she ran like the little newbie she is.   
  
Cobb somehow convinced that she will be back. Wishful thinking? I derailed that train of thought by bending over table to finish cleaning up equipment. By the glazed look in his emo-eyes distraction worked. Must thank tailor. 

**7:00pm**

Now Cobb is insisting we need a forger.  Eames, no less!  A newbie AND that ~~sexy~~ insufferable bastard?

I’m pretty sure this was not included in the bestie agreement I initially signed.  Can I get a lawyer to sue for being a dickish friend?

 

 

**Thursday 5 April**    
  
 _ties ruined 0 (so far, so good) times died 0 (day is looking up) sex 0 (…ish)_    
  
 **12pm Warehouse, Paris**    
  
Good morning deteriorated into disastrous afternoon! It started when I was laying out the equipment for the day. New girl showed up and decided to take Cobb up on his offer. Yes, we desperately need an architect, but come on! No justice in the world.

Grudgingly showed her the Penrose Steps trick.  Escher understands the symmetry of my soul, and the ruthless bastard of my heart.

New girl show promise, had many surprisingly astute questions about the frameworks of a dream.  If only it weren’t for her depressingly lackluster taste in cardigans…

**7:30pm Warehouse, Paris**  

Cobb is back with two more than anticipated.  Eames came of course, with his ~~smoldering~~ beady gaze and infuriating smirk.  But our group now includes Saito, who I’m fairly sure threatened us pretty hard about a week ago, and Yusuf.

Not entirely sure what Yusuf is here for.  Definitely sure that he samples his own products.

Can’t really blame him.  Good shit is good shit.  Just so long as he shares.  
  
 **9pm Hotel**    
  
Came back to room to get some actual sleep. Found a yellow rose on pillow. Stalker? The locks on these rooms are shit. At least stalker has good taste. Rose even matches tie! 

 

  
**  
Friday 6 April**    
  
 _ties ruined 0 (fantastic) times died 5 (I don’t want to talk about it) sex 1/2 (Eames groped me while “helping” Yusuf attach the monitoring equipment, the ~~sexy~~  jackass)_   
  
 **9am Cafe**    
  
Had a delightful breakfast with Saito and Yusuf.  Am enjoying their company much more than anticipated.

Saito looked fabulous, as always (must compare tailors at some point). Yusuf looked like a hot mess, as always. I was wearing my favorite charcoal suit. Put the rose from last night in button-hole. Quite dashing I feel. Besides, maybe the rose is from Cobb! Knew he hadn’t forgotten that night in Tanzania.   
  
Saito noticed the flower and immediately started in on its many meanings.  Who knew the gajillionaire had a thing for florals?  
  
“A very beautiful and interesting blossom, the yellow rose signifies remembrance and the promise of a new beginning. If it had the blush of red at the tips it would have meant…”   
  
He started to ramble at this point and to be honest I tuned him out. That is until Yusuf smiled lecherously and interjected, “Did you give a flower in return? Say, a delicate and irreplaceable flower?”   
  
Saito, the jerk, paused to laugh quietly. I said something scathing about Yusuf’s mother. He replied with a catty comment about my fascination with Cobb’s inseam, and then the conversation returned to more pleasant topics.   
  
Must remember for the future, Yusuf is an enthusiastic follower of Regina.  Jungle rules apply.   
 **  
12pm Warehouse**    
  
Ariadne and Cobb got started on training this afternoon.  Cobb most definitely checked her out as they were being hooked up. Looked surprised when I jabbed him with the needle harder than strictly necessary.   
  
Then, as they were dreaming, who should walk in but that  ~~delicious~~  git Eames. He had a smirk on his face. Obviously, his ego had to be deflated. I pondered the delicate nature of the perfect insult and just as I was about to send him reeling, he spoke.   
  
“Nice flower, pet. Any special occasion, or did we just feel like being pretty today?”   
  
With a leer he went to lounge in one of the chairs behind the map table. I know my mouth was unattractively agape. Have v. bad feeling suddenly.   
  
 **8pm**  
  
I died five times in the dream today.  FIVE TIMES.   
  
We were training the new girl and trying to perfect the kick for the big operation. I knew it was a mistake to start out in Cobb’s head. Mal apparently unhappy about hubby’s new friend, went berserk and killed everyone. With a potato peeler. Bitch.   
  
By executive decision we decided to move the training to my dream. Tried to teach Ariadne to shoot a gun. Not really that hard while dreaming. Most of it is your expectation that the bullet will hit your target, so you point and pull the trigger. Easy! New girl shot me twice. Hello deaths number two and three. My optimism knows no bounds.   
  
Death number four was totally the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me, EVER. We were standing on the roof of a skyscraper new girl just built. I turned to check out the view of the city from a different angle and somehow locked eyes with Eames. His eyes turned dark and he brazenly dragged his gaze down my body. When he met my eyes again he wore this positively  _sinful_  smirk. I know I blushed bright red. Then, to hide my face, I turned and suavely managed to trip over the side of the unnecessarily high building. I woke up flustered, Eames woke up laughing.   
  
Let’s just say death number five involved double homicide.   
  
Finally day is over! Have splitting headache and all I want is to have a drink. Several drinks. Several LARGE drinks.   
  
 **9:50pm Hotel**  

Went to place bag in room before heading out to bar with Yusuf. Found an orange rose and two aspirin on my pillow. Fuck.   
 **  
2am**    
  
wah dosh this mean?! Tha smexy ashole haz no right to screw wish me like thish! Why can’t Cobb buy me prtty flowrs and fuck me with hiz eyes?   
  
 **3am**  

Orange mtchz notshing in wardrobe. Take that Mr. Seshy-pants! 


	2. Chapter 2

**Saturday 7 April**

_ties ruined 1(tequila is an EVIL drink) times died 0 (wishing for death doesn't count) sex -1 (nausea too intense for that much movement)_

**who-the-fuck-knows am Hotel**

Too early. It’s too early! Obviously should have scheduled more hangover time in plan.

How much did we drink last night? Don’t remember but am apparently light weight. Head feels like batting cage, plus tie has mysteriously acquired suspicious and unsettling stain. Alas, tie is unsalvageable. Rest in peace dear soul! I will never forget the ease with which you contrasted against my cream blazer.

Speak of unsettling, found two carefully pressed roses in the back of my  ~~diary~~  notebook. Am sappy drunk. No can ever know of this.

**1:30pm Warehouse**

Feel vindicated by Yusuf’s obvious pain. Knew he was off par when he failed to make sly remark about Ariadne’s apparent daddy issues.

Am dealing with pounding head and roiling stomach by putting on Stoic-Face #5. This expression has seen me through injury, stress, and numerous blind-dates.  

Eames is being his usual  ~~flirtatious~~  obnoxious self. Explained more about how kicks work to the new girl by almost knocking me out of my chair. This was no good for my swimming head and I almost puked all over his shoes.

Frankly, that might have been a favor. Where does he shop, Payless?

There is a suspicious tension between the new girl and Cobb. Don’t know what’s going on but Cobb didn’t even look when I paused to stretch the kinks out of my back. 

**5:15pm**

Finally have a way to get to Fischer. Saito richer than God and has actually bought an  _airline_.

Not that I’m complaining. It doesn't get much better than first-class on an international flight!  

However, while professional life is coming together, personal life more and more confusing. Already knew that Cobb is crazy person who dwells on ridiculously hot dead wife, but is now also becoming preoccupied with new girl. I don’t like how this is going.

Eames also v. confusing. After one of the planning sessions this afternoon, while I was still disoriented from waking up, he took me by the hand and helped me to my feet. Not all that unusual. But that wasn't even the half of it! He quickly entwined his fingers with mine, kissed me lightly on the cheek, and whispered in my ear, “Darling, thought about my proposal yet?”

Wait, what? Before I could do more than cock an incredulous eyebrow at him he untangled our hands and sauntered over to join the others. 

Apparently Eames is groping ninja because no one even blinked.

What?

**10pm Hotel**

Decided to hide in room tonight as too rattled for company. Stomach has settled from earlier upset but head is worse than ever. When today’s meeting finally ended and I went to gather my things I found another rose, lavender this time, lurking inside of my bag. I gaped at it for a minute before being pulled back to reality by an inquisitive sniff from Ariadne.

Nosey, much?

Ashamed to say I slammed bag shut and made a bee line for the nearest exit.

Couldn't get Eames and his infuriating behavior out of my head. Discovered fingers traitorously tracing the shape of his lips on my cheek. Okay, awkward. To distract myself from impending mental collapse have looked up meanings of most recent flowers. 

Orange rose signifies enthusiastic desire.  While the lavender rose expresses love at first sight, or enchantment.

I am in so much trouble.

So much.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Tuesday 10 April**

_ties ruined 0 times died 0 sex 0 (only one of these figures is depressing, v. much so)_

**8:45pm Bistro**

Out to dinner with the team. Past two days have been intense with planning and haven’t had time to think about anything besides impending job. Not only one it seems, as in the last few days no flowers of mysterious origin have been found in either my things or my room.

Having hard time deciding whether or not I approve of this development.  
  
Only topic of note is the postcard a trusted contact from Brussels forwarded to me.

 

  


 

 

Seriously? What a dumb ass.

Showed the others and had good laugh with Saito. Cobb looked like he had choked on a lemon. Wonder what happened to his sense of humor? Oh well, his loss.

Note to self: spike Angsty McBrooder’s drink with valium or something. Frown lines deeply unattractive.

 

 

**Wednesday 11 April**

_ties ruined 1 (Cobb + liquid + ill considered remark) times died 0 sex 0 (indefinite hiatus)_

**9:50am Hotel**

Had to change tie _and_ shirt this morning. 

Was at breakfast with Cobb, one of the first times we’ve actually been alone together in what feels like forever. Made small talk but couldn’t help but notice that he seemed distracted.

Trying to draw him out of his funk, I started with, “Ariadne seems to be getting the hang of things.”

“What? Oh right, she’s a fast leaner. A bit impetuous but she promises to be amazing.”

“It seems that you two are rather close. I know she looks up to you.” Unhealthily, the little creeper. “You two aren’t… working out any lingering tensions together, are you?”

 “How do you mean?”

“Relieving stress through acts of a private nature.”

“Beg pardon?”

“Viciously fucking each other stupid.”

Coffee, meet Arthur’s clothes. Arthur’s v. expensive and wonderful clothes.

Cobb, seemingly unaware of the heinous damage done to my person, blinked rapidly and gaped at me. He stuttered a bit before saying, “NO! I would never! I mean, that would be so unprofessional. I would never risk our working relationship like that!”

Now it was my turn to blink. “Okay, two things. First, you’re paying for my dry cleaning. Second, what do you _mean_ unprofessional?”

“Our work is dangerous enough already.   Romance only complicates things, and it never works out.”

Is he saying what I think he’s saying? Dominic Cobb, I have psycho dead wife in my head, please sex me better, is announcing to the world that office romance never works out?

In a tone that was most definitely not shrill, I said, “And Tanzania was what, exactly?”

His big, blue eyes got bigger.

I continued. “Are you casting doubt on _my_ professionalism? Are you implying you’re fine with ruining _our_ working relationship?” 

He squeaked, before mumbling “…no?”

Oh, be afraid.

“Then what exactly are you saying Cobb? I truly want to know.”

White faced, he tried, “She’s just very young? She wouldn't know how to handle those sorts of complications in this environment. In a relationship between two experienced, more mature colleagues the potential for misunderstanding is negligible at worst. So it would be unprofessional of me to enter into a connection with someone so new to the business.”

Damn he’s good.

Teeth clenched tightly, I pushed back from the table and stood to leave. “Great. Fine. I’m going to go change. See you at the warehouse.”

I chose to ignore the sigh of relief that chased me out the door.

**12:10pm Warehouse**

Day has not improved. Cobb acting like this morning never happened. Team has picked up on the tension between us and are more subdued than usual.

Have been forced to resort to Resolved Face #35, the only expression strong enough to deal with this bullshit.

**2pm**

Snapped at new girl when she asked me what was going on. Feel like I have just kicked a puppy while setting fire to an orphanage.

**11pm Hotel**

Found a chocolate on my pillow tonight. Thanks Eames.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thursday 12 April**

_ties ruined 0 (improving)  times died 0 (times committed manslaughter 1)  sex 0 (what do you know, catharsis IS better than sex)_

**5am Warehouse**

Couldn’t sleep last night as am still ~~sad~~ ~~upset~~ royally pissed. After tossing and turning for a few hours I finally decided to just start the day early. 

Put extra thought into wardrobe this morning. Have even resorted to donning best pair of slacks. The tight ones. The ones that make my ass look fabulous. The ones that will make ~~Eames~~ Cobb squirm in frustration.

Day’s looking up already! 

**1:30pm**

Cobb has developed nervous tic in left eye. Possibly has something to do with the way I have been pointedly leaning, stretching, and bending over my work all morning. Passive aggressive? Me? Never.

**3pm**

Cannot believe this shit! Illustrious leader dragged me aside to have brief chat. Chat involved not-so-brief, rambling lecture and Cobb questioning my ability to focus on the job because of personal feelings. 

Does he seriously listen to himself talk?   

I assured him of my continued professionalism and stalked off.

I need a drink.

And a hug.

**4:10pm**

Was quietly and composedly stewing over Ariadne’s drawings when a light touch interrupted my righteous sulk.

Fingers brushed briefly against the small of my back as Eames leaned back against the table. He grinned affably and ignored my condescendingly quirked eyebrow.

“Penny for them, darling.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Well, to some, at the moment you might look steady, unruffled, and in general a pretty cool customer. But to me, let’s just say you look like a man with something on his mind.”

“Oh? Well it would seem you know more about it than I do. I’m fine.”

Wow, that’s the best I can come up with? Crap. I am so pathetic right now. My trigger finger twitched in useless sympathy.

Eames smiled softly. “You know my offer still stands. A man like you deserves better than someone stuck in the past.”

He wasn’t cute. Nope.

My bad mood frizzled a little and I reached out my hand to adjust his sadly crumpled shirt collar.

“Eames, you haven’t sexually harassed me at all in the last five minutes. If you’re not careful someone might think you were serious.”

For a second he looked gob smacked.  Then, a tentatively hopeful expression stole across his face. Taking a deep breath he said, “I have been meaning to tell you that your arse looks absolutely edible in those trousers, but maybe I’ll save that for another time.”

Charmer.

**8:50pm Hotel**

Day was fairly normal after that, although Cobb and I were still at odds. 

Happily, our strained interactions didn’t last for long.

New girl, Cobb, and I were dreaming, going over some of the last details of the landscape we were going to create for Fischer, when things started to go a little weird. Cobb stepped on an errant piece of glassware and freaked. 

Admittedly odd to find lone champagne flute lying in the middle of the road but not really worth the hyperventilation.

Went to offer him a paper bag or something when I heard the roar of an engine behind me. 

It was a train. A fucking _train_.  A train that was racing straight for us.  Driven by whom, may you ask?

Go on, guess.

My bad mood from earlier came back with a vengeance. Mal is _dead_. Cobb is the fuckwit whose subconscious keeps killing us. Surprisingly and in ever increasingly inventive ways. I will not put up with this today.

We had time to scramble away from the oncoming train. Or we would have if I hadn’t grabbed Cobb by the lapels and shoved us both into the path of the speeding locomotive.

Now we all know what it feels like to be artfully murdered by the former Mrs. Cobb!

Awake, I sat up to discover Cobb looking at me.

“Better?” He asked.

“Much.” I replied.

And we will never speak of it again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Monday 16 April**

**11pm Hotel**

_ties ruined 0 (so busy I actually didn’t wear one today, felt naked) times died 0 (won’t last)  sex 0  (god, I hope this won’t last)_

Last few days have been brutal! Training has taken up practically all of our time and it’s starting to show.

To put the finishing touches on the plan, we’ve all been in the dreamscape for more hours than is comfortable. Or sane. Forced sleep is not the same as actual rest.  Everyone seems to be stumbling around, clutching their totems.

Found out that Saito’s totem is a single, pearl studded cuff-link. 

No idea what it does in the dream. Sing Saito’s never ending praises?  Regaling sleepers and projections both with tales of his large… bank account? 

Yusuf refuses to tell us what his totem is. Am now more curious than ever. I hope it’s pink or something. 

Anyway, tomorrow we rest up and on Wednesday we board a flight to LA.

 

 

 **Wednesday 18 April**      

_ties ruined 2 (imaginary ties still count) times died 0 (AMAZING)  sex 1/2 (kissed new girl, meh)_

**9am Airplane**

This is too surreal for reality. We’re all on the plane, first class cabin, avoiding each other’s eyes and sizing up the target.

And what a very nice target he is! Fischer is _pretty_. I bet there are entire websites dedicated to his cheekbones alone.

To be honest, I feel kind of bad. The guy really has the kicked puppy thing going for him.

Cobb just pulled his fan-boy routine. Time to get this show on the road.

**6:40pm**

Holy shit. That was a _hell_ of a thing.

**~~8pm~~ 12pm Airport, LA**

Somehow, we’ve pulled it off. Will have bragging rights for the next several decades!

Everyone has gone their own ways, but have a feeling they won’t be out of touch for long.   

Have waved down a taxi and am currently en route to a suitably lavish hotel for some much deserved vacation time. Eames has decided to tag along. 

So far he just seems to be staring out the window, looking out at the California skyline. There is a marked lack of touching in the back of this cab. I am not okay with this.

Coughing gently to draw his attention, I said, “Eames, do you remember that time we made out in the back seat of that taxi, much to the horror and chagrin of the driver?”

“Why no, love. I can’t say as I remember that.”

“Do you want to?”

His reply was more than suitable. Problem solved!

**3am Hotel**

_ties ruined 5 (so, SO worth it) times died 0 (do orgasms count?)   sex?  (lost count after round five)  number of taxi’s thrown out of 1_

Oh yeah, life’s good.  It’s just coming up roses.

~~Pretend I didn't just say that.~~


End file.
